Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
