I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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