It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
