Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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