i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
