I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
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Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
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I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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