I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
