i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
