lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
