In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
