So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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