I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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