She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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