God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
