The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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