You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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