my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
