people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
