Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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