pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
