I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
