He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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