im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize