Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
