Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
