It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
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We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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