After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
