he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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