I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
