its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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