He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
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He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
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my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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