If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
