Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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