Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
