I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
