i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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