Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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