He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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