Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
