so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You took a bar mat shot.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
