He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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