My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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