drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
