If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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