you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
as a side note pls kill me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
