I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
