the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
