you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
