You really coming over, don't trick.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
