So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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