I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
