stop calling my apartment porn island.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
