all she had left on were here heels. phone five
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
