hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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