We're facebook friends in real life
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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