My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
