Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
