I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
