a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize