I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
