I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
