Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
