I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Barsexuality is the new black.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
