I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
