wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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