I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
