youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She bit a glass in half.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
