Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
