i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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