How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
