Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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