dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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